"Hell, there are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something." - Thomas A. Edison
"I have found that people who can successfully resist temptation invariably lead depressingly stunted lives." — C.D. Payne
"So don't weep for me now, my friends, because science insists that I have not died.
Energy just always changes state and I refuse to believe that human consciousness is the sole exception to this universal law."
- Mark Millar
"Do only butterflies die in flames? What about those devoured by the flames within them?" - E.M. Cioran

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Pretty Girl 03.31.12 - Lindsay Sloane

Nobody lets Lindsay Sloane be hot anymore.  Check out A Good Old Fashioned Orgy if you don't believe she still has the body to pull it off.  ;-j

Friday, March 30, 2012

Just In From the Desert

Fuck me.  No, really.  Fuck me.  Just when I though it couldn't get any worse...

Jeanmar Gomez, by far the highlight of the spring, once again dazzled over 3 2/3 scoreless innings (2 H, 2 BB, 4 K) to lower his ERA to 1.37.  Then, he left with an injury.  Kevin Slowey instantly got a huge boner.  It does keep with theme of spring, that of on-field performance having no relation to the acquisition of a roster spot.

Later, Dan Wheeler, fresh off of officially "winning" a roster spot, went out and proved exactly why he was far and away the best choice.  After retiring the first man he faced, Wheeler surrendered back-to-back home runs (that made 5 in fewer than 9 innings this spring) to Todd Frazier and Juan Francisco.  Danny then settled down to allow a single to Willie Harris and an RBI doubled to former Indian Ryan Ludwick.  Next up was Ryan LaMarre.  I don't even know who that is.  Suffice to say that Dan Wheeler will never forget him, as LaMarre jacked a two run bomb (keep counting, that's #6) before Wheeler was mercifully able to retire the last two he faced.  Still, the line is fugly: 5 earned on 5 hits (including 3 long balls) in a just a single inning of work.  Did I mention that the five runs were the difference in a 6-5 Reds win?  The massacre left Dan's ERA at 11.70, his OBA at .422 and his WHIP at 2.20.  I reiterate: could the man have done anything more to convince the brass to send him somewhere, anywhere other than the North Coast for April 5th?  C'mon, man!

Somewhere Out There:  Fuck it, we have to work with what we have and this is the only race left.  Unfortunately, the only two guys in this competition are stiffer than a Vietnamese gigolo after a handful of Viagra.   Aaron Cunningham (.205) went 1-for-4 and Ryan Spilborghs (.167) 0-for-1.  I never though that I would be rooting for AC, but if the alternative should occur, I might have to renew my conceal and carry on the off chance that I see Manny Acta on the street.

Not that these games matter in any context whatsoever, but the last day of March features the Indians hosting the Rangers for a night game.  That 10:05 EST if you're not keeping up.


Pretty Girl Update! - Maggie Q

If I go to heaven, she'll be there to fight ninjas in the nude.

Just In From the Desert

I am officially disgusted.

This what the Indians announced today:

(1) Dan Wheeler has made the team, "earning" the first of two bullpen spots.  This spring, in 9 innings, Wheeler has allowed 8 earned runs on 14 hits and 3 walks.  He has struck out 9 and allowed 3 home runs.  While it is true that Danny allowed all of that damage in his first 4 appearance and has not surrendered a run in his past 5 IP, how does that elevate him over Jeremy Accardo, who has a better ERA (1.00 vs 8.00), OBA (.289 vs .378) and WHIP (1.33 vs 1.89)?  The "brain-trust" had made this decision coming into camp and was unprepared to change their collective mind, barring injury.  This move sucks.  It is, in a word, indefensible.  Given the contractual situation of the newly acquired Jairo Asencio, the bullpen race is over.  If anyone would trade for an out of options player and then DFA him 3 days later, it would be the Indians, but that would be a heretofore unheard level of idiocy, even for them.

(2)  Even so, the fact that the 4th outfielder race has boiled down to Aaron Cunningham and Ryan Spilborghs is ridiculous enough to approach the obscene.  In 40 spring ABs, Cunningham has 8 hits (.200).  Exactly two of those are for extra bases and his OPS is an infantile .488.  I have repeatedly repeated that he too is out of options and that he might make the club because the organization is committed to mediocrity.  In spite of myself, I held out hope, but when the other option is Spilborghs?  What the fuck?!  He's hitting .171!  The only reason his OPS is as high as .490 is that he's walked 6 times.  I have already explained that he is a catastrophically awful outfielder.  AT ALL 3 POSITIONS!

Will we get a meaningful explanation on this?  No!  Acta will do some song and dance about quality plate appearances and previous track record.  He'll make a quirky comment and offer a sly grin, all the while thinking "We'll do whatever we want, you ignorant sheep, and you'll still sell out opening day and pay my waste of a salary."

Fuck Manny Acta.  Fuck Chris Antonetti.  Fuck Larry Dolan.  I'm not asking for Prince Fielder.  I'm not even asking for Josh Willingham anymore.  Is it too much to expect the club to take on the field performance into the decision making process?

My first inclination was 86 wins.  Terry Pluto suggested 76.  If this is the "philosophy" that the organization is going to employ this season, it's going be more like 66.

Red TagsRuss Canzler and Nick Hagadone were optioned to AAA.  Chris Ray, Robinson Tejada, Chris Seddon, Luke Carlin, and Andy LaRoche were officially reassigned to the minor league camp.  Felix Pie, Matt Pagnozzi and Gregorio Petit were told that they will not make the club, but will stay with the team through the end of camp.

P.s.  I nearly forgot about this in my ire, but it seems that Jose Lopez has indeed made the team as the 13th position player.  The club paid Lopez a $100K option to keep him in the organization through June 1st, regardless of which level he plays at.  It is still possible that Cunningham and Spilborghs both make.  It's possible that a late move is made and some other scrub takes the spot, but, as of now, all signs point to Lopez.

By my count, all of the battles have been decided, save the no win decision on the 4th outfielder.

Pretty Girl 03.30.12 - Aarti Chhabria

With a character name like Koothrappali, she has to be good.  Seriously, she's hot.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Pretty Girl Update! - Natalie Zea

Nat left basic cable for Californication and she still won't show me her goodies?  What's up with that?

Just In From the Desert

I know that it's Spring Training and this kind of thing happens all the time, but if anyone could lose twice, to two different team, in two different cities during regular season play, it would be the Indians.  Though I've stopped checking, I do believe that they're 6-18 now.  To add insult to injury (and we've seen more than our share of that), former Tribe closer Jensen Lewis earned the save for the D-Bags.

#5:  Well, we know one thing: David Huff is out.  Huff, attempting to make a meaninglessly spectacular play, injured his leg one batter into his last start of the spring.  David's numbers (5.79, .310 OBA) were not impressive and the injury is simply the nail in the coffin.

Left Of Center:  It's still Shelley Duncan, although the lead horse is definitely limping into the finish.  Duncan (.182) took another O-fer today and is just 1 for his last 16.

Somewhere Out There:  If any of these guys could get hot, he might still snare the starting job.  Yeah, it's just not happening.  Ryan Spilborghs (.171 and lord am I sick of writing about this scrub) is still dead last.  Against all odds, he did crack a hit today... but it took him five trips.  Also hitless:  Felix Pie (.250) and Aaron Cunningham (.200).  The great predictor of this season will be who breaks camp in this spot.  If it's Cunningham (or, god help me, Spilborghs), the boys will play sub-.500 ball for the season.

Bench Me:  Despite every fiber of my being screaming for Jose Lopez (.311), this is still a race.  The former all-star was 1-for-4 today and managed to play error free.  Even so, he is mired in a 2-for-21 slump and Andy LaRoche has seen mucho PT of late.  LaRoche (.385) singled and walked against the D-Bags and, while still in 2nd, is nipping right at Lopez's heels.

Mightier Than the Sword:  As mentioned in a previous post, Jairo Asencio is here and will (officially unofficial) be in the bullpen on April 5.  To make room for him, recently added Rick VandenHurk was DFAed.  Don't count him out just yet.  He's has just an awful spring and might clear waivers.  That leaves one more bullpen spot open.  It was always a long shot for Manny Acta to carry a 3rd left-hander and Nick Hagadone (2.53) likely lost the last of his grace today.  Nick's spring was generally strong, yet he picked the worst possible time to show his wild side.  The command/control issue has always been the knock on Hagadone and against the Rox he walked two, hit a batter and threw a wild pitch en route to allowing a run in an inning and two thirds.  Jeremy Accardo (1.00) tossed two more clean innings today, though the ERA might be deceiving.  Surely the only reason that Frank Herrmann and Dan Wheeler are still in the mix is that Accardo's OBA (.289) is kind of high.  Still, he's only walked one guy in 9 innings and thus his WHIP (1.33) is reasonable.  I don't know but I have to assume that Asencio's arrival pushes Wheeler out of the door.

Their last split squad behind them, the Indians battle the Redlegs @ 4:05p tomorrow.

Just In From the Desert

The Tribe has acquired Jairo Asencio from the Bravos for cash.  The 6'2" right-hander, who turns 28 in May, does not have much MLB experience (13 IP, 6.23 ERA), but led the International League in saves in both 2009 and 2011. Asencio, and this will sound familiar, spent the entire 2010 campaign on the restricted list because, up until that point, he had been going by the name Luis Valdez.  The ensuing visa issues forced Asencio/Valdez to remain in the Dominican Republic through the entirity of last season.  He features a 95 mph fastball, a "great" change-up and a "good" slider.  This spring Jairo has a 3.27 ERA in 11 innings, allowing 4 earned runs on 13 hits and 3 walks, while striking out 12.  Oh, and one more thing, he is out of options.  Help to welcome him to the Opening Day roster.  And, yes, lock this one down.


Pretty Girl 03.29.12 - Janel Maloney

Oh, how I miss you, Donna Moss.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Pretty Girl 03.28.12 - Lindsay Ellingson

This girl models bras and panties (yes, panties).  I'd say she's found her calling.  Nice.

Just In From the Desert

Josh Tomlin stretched himself out through 5.2 innings allowing 2 earned on 9 hits while fanning 6.  He'll be fine.  Do not worry.

#5:  0/3 pitched today.  The word on the street is that each will have the opportunity to make one more start, after which the decision will be announced.

Left Of Center:  Status quo.

Somewhere Out There:  This one was whittled itself down to a 3 horse race with the entire triad taking licks against the Cubbies on Wednesday.  Felix Pie (1-1, .259, .670) is still my best choice, but I seem to be in the minority on that.  Russ Canzler (0-4, 2 K, .268, .626) has just one hit in his past 17 ABs along with 9 punch outs.  He has just about played himself into a demotion.  Regardless, I would be shocked if the Tribe exposes Aaron Cunningham (0-2, K, .205, .462) to the waiver wire in an attempt to send him down.

Bench Me:  Nothing today, but it is worth noting that, since March 15th, Jose Lopez has hit .167 (4-for-24) while Andy LaRoche is batting .313 (5-for-16).

Mightier Than the SwordFrank Herrmann (5.79) and Dan Wheeler (8.00) each tossed a clean frame with a strikeout.  These would have been the two that I would have picked, sight unseen, at the beginning of camp.  If performance counts for anything, the Indians have to take Jeremy Accardo (1.29) over Wheeler.  Unfortunately, as we all know, logic rarely enters the Indians' decision making process.

Red TagsCristian Guzman has been released and Freddy Lewis has been reassigned to minor league camp.

Split squads tomorrow 4:05 vs the Rox and 4:10 @ the D-Bags.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Flick to Click: Welcome To Obamaville

Fuck!  It's not really a movie!  Those writers should jump Santorum's sinking ship and head out to Hollywood.  They need to meet Michael Bay.  ;-j

And if you're in the mood for more inflammatory rhetoric, this is kinda cool.  (click the photo)

Pretty Girl Update - Jennifer Love Hewitt

JLove has a new show called The Client List.  In it, she takes off most of her clothes a lot.

Just In From the Desert

I know I told you to wait until Thursday, but the Tribe made cuts today.  Lonnie Chisenhall and Matt LaPorta, both former #1 prospects in the system, will begin the year together at AAA Columbus.  Despite the aforementioned similarity, their situations could not be more different.  Chisenhall, only 23 and with exactly 292 AAA plate appearances under his belt, was rushed to the bigs last season in an effort to arouse a flaccid offense.  The Chiz Kid's future is still bright, especially after a bit more seasoning.  LaPorta, on the other hand, has struggled to a career Major League OPS of .701 and did nothing to take advantage of a spring opportunity to win the left field job.  Already 27, he has repeatedly shown the ability to bash AAA pitching (career .953 OPS), making it unlikely that anything he might do in the minors could help to recapture his good standing with the organization.  Oh, the team also reassigned outfielder Chad Huffman to the minor league camp.

Hot Corner:  In the first race to go officially official, Cap'n Jack is your Opening Day third bagger.  To celebrate, Hannahan took the day off.

#5:  Alright folks, here's the wrinkle.  I have incontrovertibly established that Manny Acta is an idiot and today GM Chris Antonetti stated that the top priority is to leave camp with "the best 25 men" even if that means that one of the 5th starter candidates is shuffled to the bullpen.  Acta has already laid the groundwork for this colossal blunder by complimenting Jeanmar Gomez's work "out of the bullpen" early in camp.  Regardless of anyone else tells you, putting Jeanmar in the 'pen as a long man and allowing either Kevin Slowey or David Huff to take the 5 slot would be beyond asinine.  JG won the spot, give it to him.

Left Of Center:  In the classic move of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, Shelley Duncan took an 0-for-4 handle at the dish today to drop his spring average to .195.  Now I can't be as high on Duncan as I was just 5 days ago, but it truly seems as if he is winning this war of attrition.  Despite a 1-for-14 slump since mashing his 5th spring training bomb, Duncan has the confidence of Antonetti and, by means of cheap deduction, Acta.  Manny says that he has a candidate in mind and Shelley's production (5 HR, 15 RBI) has been the only noteworthy accomplishment by any of the candidates.

Somewhere Out There:  As we're speaking of the same players that were auditioning for the starting job in left, we're left with the same issue, that of being utterly and completely underwhelmed.  There are still five candidates on life support, so let's rank them 5 through 1.  (5) Ryan Spilborghs: 0-1 today, .167 AVG, .456 OPS on the spring.  'Nuff said.  (4) Fred Lewis: 0-1, .200, .635 in just 15 ABs.  The only reason he's not #5 is that Spilborghs is.  (3) Russ Canzler: BB, .297, .690.  I know that he's everybody's darling, but he has just one extra base hit all spring (a double) and he plays left like Luis Valbuena.  (2) Felix Pie: DNP, 231, .622.  This is the guy that I want.  He plays Gold Glove caliber defense and brings some speed and energy to the team.  But the Indians are committed to mediocrity.  (1) Aaron Cunningham: 0-1 today, .216, .486.  He's out of options.  They basically traded two top 50 prospects to get him.  He wins.

Bench Me:  Stop it, Andy LaRoche, you are not making this team.  I do not care that you have a better batting average than Jose Lopez (.391 vs .317) or that you have zero errors and he has 5.  It cannot, it will not, it must not happen!

Mightier Than the Sword:  I'm tired and I'm not going through all of the candidates right now.  I will tell you that Jeremy Accardo (1.29) threw another scoreless inning, fanning two.  How do you not give this guy a spot?  Also, Rick VandenHurk (12.38) got rocked... again.  In his inning, RVH walked Paul Konerko then served up a gopher ball to Brent Morel.  Let's see them rationalize it when they keep him...

At the Cubbies tomorrow @ the usual 4:05p.

P.s. The Indians are a Cactus League worst 6-15.

Pretty Girl 03.27.12 - Meaghan Rath

So, yeah, Being Human is only mildly entertaining, but it's wicked awesome when a show pimps out their mildly hot chick in a heavy make-up/bra & panties scene.  I'll say it again: panties.  Nice.  ;-j

Monday, March 26, 2012

Just In From the Desert

Hot Corner:  The official word is still that the third base job will not be awarded until the last possible moment, but if anyone thinks that Lonnie Chisenhall (.205, .456 OPS, 0 HR, 16/39 K/AB) is going to win it, I have some real estate in Detroit that you would absolutely adore.  Jack Hannahan returned to the line-up today after missing 10 days with a stiff lower back and doubled in both of his ABs.  Cap'n Jack is now clipping at an even .300 with a .900 OPS.

#5:  Despite an inconsistent outing against the Cubs on Sunday (5 IP, 7 H, 3 ER, 3 BB, 3 K), Jeanmar Gomez (1-1, 1.69 ERA, .196 OBA, 1.06 WHIP) still holds a sizable lead in the race for the last rotation spot.  One would have to assume that David Huff (1-1, 5.79, .298 OBA) is ahead of Kevin Slowey (0-3, 6.75, .352), but it's purely academic at this point.

Left Of Center:  I don't care what Manny Acta says or how distasteful a .216 batting average is, Shelley Duncan has won this job with 5 homers and 15 ribs.  Bear in mind though that Acta has directly contradicted himself on the matter this spring.  Back on March 7th, Acta told us that he wanted a player with "a nice blend of offense and defense."  A mere 16 days later, he had changed his tune, stating "You need to hit. We can't have a pecking order for defensive left fielders here. We need to see some stuff, some offense, some production."  16 days!  Did he actually change his mind?  Hell, no!  You know what you call that?  Unrepentant hypocrisy!  The man never tells us anything.  He just keeps talking in his puppy-cute broken English, making funny little jibes and pretending like he actually possesses the ability to evaluate talent or motivate players.  I've said it before and I'll say it again - Manny Acta is an idiot and the Indians organization confirms its dedication to mediocrity by retaining him.

Somewhere Out There:  So who's still competing?  Aaron Cunningham (.222) singled in three trips today, while Felix Pie (.231) had an RBI hit after replacing him.  Ryan Spilborghs (.171) once again went hitless and has simply run out of time to win a spot.  I count Matt LaPorta (.167) and Fred Lewis (.214) out as well.  Although Russ Canzler (.297) has had a solid spring, his .674 OPS is troubling.  Given Cunningham's contract situation and Pie's defense, Canzler has fallen to a distant third.  I don't know why I ever doubted this one.  Unless Cunningham in injured, he will be on the roster.  That's what you get for trading for an unproved kid who is out of options.

Bench MeJose Lopez (.351) was 0-for-4 today, but will be the last man on the bench.  The next person who mentions Andy LaRoche gets busted in the mouth.

Mightier Than the Sword:  Here's where it gets goddamn tricky.  By mid-market logic, newly acquired Rick VandenHurk is a shoe-in because he's out of options, but he got lit up on Saturday (0.2 IP, 2 ER, 2 K) and has an 11.57 ERA and a 2.43 WHIP overall this spring.  Jeremy Accardo has the best numbers of the bunch (1.50 ERA, SV), which obviously means that he's out of the running.  The word on the street is that Dan Wheeler (9.00 ERA, .382 OBA) has nearly pitched himself into a spot.  Great.  I look forward to 5 weeks of Dan the Gas Man fueling the fire before he is unceremoniously released.  And what about Chris Ray?  9.00 is cool, but 11.25 is out of line.  Ray actually has the same WHIP (2.00) as Wheeler and a better OBA (.352).  Oh, but Wheeler was sooooo good with Tampa Bay 3 years ago.  That's an outstanding reason to put him in the bullpen.  Shit, it doesn't really matter.  Frank Herrmann (6.48) has won one spot and he's fine as the long man and the Indians went 30-15 to start last season with Chad Durbin torching shit.

Red Tags:  Expect cuts on Thursday.

The Indians take on the White Sox tomorrow at 4:05p in Glendale.  Should you care to listen, it'll be on MMS @ 7p.


Saturday, March 24, 2012

Pretty Girl 03.24.12 - Ashley Benson

w/ Selna Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens (yes as a blonde) & Rachel Korine
If you're not yet excited about Spring Breakers... you will be.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Pretty Girl 03.23.12 - Alex ter Avest

So I fell in love with her in a dream last night.  So what?  That's totally normal. [She's Kenny's season 3 gf on Eastbound and Down]