Pretty Girl Update! - Lindsay Lohan

Okay, so this is more of a prequel than a sequel, but old school Lindsay is way better than new.

Jade Bile

The hazy shade is the deepest hue that confronts me, while the words remain unintelligible.  Every pool of water is slick with poison, another arsenic gumdrop teetering off of the never-ending ledge.  I can no longer smell the sunshine, only the deep decay of a thousand still-born aspirations.  The more houses fall, the more severe their concrete children rise.

Once upon a grey moon, all of this seemed entirely too convenient.  All of my wishes granted in the most horrible manner possible.  "Be careful," I was always told.  The bright curtains burned, sheer blue-green flames of artificial nightmare.  I got it, more what I asked than what we all deserved.  To deny the entirety of existence, to refute the everything of everyone and to do so without impaling one's own self, is to invite a lifetime of agony.  While bones may not break and organs may not fail, the absolute absence of commonality is beyond all conception of despair.

Take a memo: "Fuck off.  I don't care."

Dictated, but not read.

Pretty Girl 10.27.11 - Erica Durance

I was never a huge fan, but when there's this much goddman candy in the jar, you gotta have a piece.

Pretty Girl Update! - Courtney Stodden

New life plan: become mildly successful actor by age 51, then wed buxom blonde 1/3 my age.  It's good to have attainable goals.

Pretty Girl 10.26.11 - Nasim Pedrad

What you get when you roll Kim Kardashian, Maria Menounos, Christina Aguilera and Vanessa Hudgens into a single chick with a brain.

Sit Down Joe Dimaggio

Honestly, I have not paid a great deal of attention to the MLB post-season.  The spectral gloom the World Championship trophy spending its "every year of my life"-th year off of the North Coast has been mostly insurmountable.  Still, I do have to give a quick shout to Cardinals third bagger David Freese, who has put together a 12 game October hitting streak.  While this does not sound tremendously impressive, recognize that the single post-season all-time record is 14 in a row.  In fact, only 3 players have ever gone further than 12 consecutive: Mark Lemke (13 in 1996), Marquis Grissom (14 in 1995) and Manny Ramirez (14 in 2004).

As I typed this, Texas mounted their improbable 9th inning rally to take Game 2, which guarantees a 5th game and guarantees Freese the opportunity to break the record.  I love history.

Cheers.

Pretty Girl 10.20.11 - Dakota Gorman

Now you're the first on your block to know who the hot chick in this commercial is.

Jon Diebler Teaches You How To Shoot

Unreal.

Pretty Girl Update! - Kate Upton

Like a silken velvet strike of sensuous fury...

Vajazzling Is REAL!

Good freaking god, can the world get any better?  Battle of the sexes?  Really?  Chicks are glittering up their gawahwahs!  Note to all dudes, just keeping letting them think they haven't lost...

And show them this...



Tell them this is empowering...



They sell these for 3 bucks on Amazon!

But this is my favorite...

 

Sweet chirst