"Hell, there are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something." - Thomas A. Edison
"I have found that people who can successfully resist temptation invariably lead depressingly stunted lives." — C.D. Payne
"So don't weep for me now, my friends, because science insists that I have not died.
Energy just always changes state and I refuse to believe that human consciousness is the sole exception to this universal law."
- Mark Millar
"Do only butterflies die in flames? What about those devoured by the flames within them?" - E.M. Cioran

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Monday, September 27, 2010

Pretty Girl 09.27.10 - Taylor Cole


She and I need to have our own event.  I'll have my people call her people.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Groundhog Day

Headline from Cabot today:

"Cleveland Browns plan to get Josh Cribbs more involved in the offense"

Been hearing that one for years. Because for years now, we've heard and seen he's the best player on the team. But from the article:

"Cribbs, who touched the ball only six times against the Chiefs -- including returns -- is eager for the increased role."

And of course the coaches are right there with the fans...

"Mangini also lamented the Browns scant use of the wildcat formation against the Chiefs -- one time to be exact -- and would like to see more of it, especially with Seneca Wallace starting at quarterback. "

The head coach, the HMFIC, would really like to see Josh get more touches, and is disappointed that he's not. This team is just insanity.





This guy deserves to play for a better team.

51, 52 ...

Keep it goin', Jose, I'm in your corner.  If only you had enough time to hit 19 more...

Gorgeous outing tonight for Josh Tomlin.  Pitching in a game that clinched the evasion of a 100 loss season, Josh turned in his best start to date, a complete game 4-hitter.  Love it.  I think Tomlin solidified his hold on a place in the '11 starting rotation.  In fact, outside of Carmona, I'd say he's the only one.

Aroldis Champan to Adrian Gonzalez: 101, 102, 103, bench.

Here's the Carmelo trade we've all been waiting for -- Anthony to the Nets, Derrick Favor and Andrei Kirilenko (expiring contract) plus 2 1st round picks (Nets in '11, Warriors via Nets in '12) to the Nuggets, Devin Harris to the Bobcats, Boris Diaw to the Jazz.  Why is the NBA the only league that needs to use 4 teams to complete a trade?  Expect Car-Smell-O to sign an extension (prerequisite for NJ) and the deal to get done this weekend.

Go Bucks!

Friday, September 24, 2010

When is the Year's Hottest X-Mas Gift a Sure Sign of Impending Doom?

WHEN TARGET STARTS SELLING MOTHERFORKING FACEBOOK GIFT CARDS!!!!!!  THAT'S RIGHT, ALL THE KIDS WILL BE GETTING FREE FARMVILLE BEETS THIS HOLIDAY SEASON, COURTESY OF SWEET, OUT OF TOUCH AUNT MILLIE AND HER ADDICTION TO TARGET SHOPPING.  I THOUGHT THIS WAS ALL A CRUEL JOKE, BUT I SAW THE LITTLE BASTARDS TODAY.  IS THIS HOW FAR WE'VE SUNK?  WE DON'T EVEN REQUIRE THOUGHTLESS PLASTIC DEBITS THAT CAN BE REDEEMED FOR REAL GOODS?  MINIMIZING GIFTING EFFORT & HELPING OUR FLOUNDERING POPULACE SINK DEEPER INTO VIRTUAL INSANITY IS COOL?  REALLY?  VIRTUAL GOODS?  THAT COST REAL MONEY?  (I THINK I READ THIS BOOK.)  THAT'S WHAT WE WANT?  MAYBE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.  MILLIE GOES INTO TARGET, GIVES THEM $50 AND GETS A TOUCHING, SKY BLUE CARD FOR LITTLE TIMMY.  TIMMY THEN USES THESE 50 REAL DOLLARS AS FACEBOOK CREDITS TO BUY UTTERLY WORTHLESS, NON-EXISTENT DRIVEL.  MIGHT HE NEED A POWER-UP TO GET THROUGH A PARTICULARLY DIFFICULT SUDOKU?  OR MAYBE HE JUST MUST HAVE THE NEW AB-FAB OUTFIT IN DRESS ME UP.  EITHER WAY HE'LL BE USING REAL MONEY TO GET IT.  THANKS TO AUNT MILLIE, WHO DOESN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE HOW SHE'S CONTRIBUTING TO THE DOWNFALL OF CIVILIZATION.  ANYONE WHO'S INTO THAT CAN GO DIRECTLY TO HELL AND NOT COLLECT $200.  SCREW YOU.  OUT.

Pretty Girl 09.24.10 - Allison Mack


Happy Smallville!

Whistle Stops

Russell Branyan has missed 5 games since hurting himself eating pizza --

"On the off day last week, I took my family to a pizza parlor," Branyan said. "They had plastic chairs, and after we'd eaten, my little guy had kicked one of his flip flops off.

"I was sitting on the edge of the chair, leaning down to pick it up, and the chair slid out from under me on the cement floor. I landed right on my tail bone."

Still need to get rid of that stanky LeFraud jersey?  Scene Magazine has partnered with the Miami New Times to kill two birds with one useless piece of nylon.  Donate your tacky #23 to Scene and they will ship it down to South Beach where the New Times staff will personally walk the streets and gift it to a person in need.  Sounds like a great deal to me.  Maybe we could get them all to congregate outside the AAA before each Heat game.

Each day that goes by with Jake Delhomme gimping around on his oh-so-tender ankle makes it more difficult for me not to add an extra vowel sound to the end of his last name.  Maybe he should just man up and take the start against Ray-Ray and the Ravens?  That way, after his funeral, we'll still have a sub-par QB to start next week.  I've heard some prognosticators describe the scenario necessary for a Browns win as "hell freezing over."  At least CBS has decided to show me this week's game so I wallow in misery with the rest of the NC.

Cheers.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

On Time

Nice debut for Vinnie Pestano (IP, BB, K, 19/12 Pit/Str).  I would look for him to contribute early and often next season.

& Luke Carlin struck out in his only AB.  Shocking.

It almost goes without saying, but... they lost.

Cheers.

Free Gift with Purchase

Filed under "Are you bloody kidding me?": a pristine,complete copy of the the 7th game of the 1960 World Series has been found.  In Bing Crosby's basement vault.  30 years after he died.  No other copy exists and the game has not been aired in it's entirety in half a century.  For those of you who don't eat baseball history for breakfast, lunch and dinner, that's Mazeroski's 9th inning walk-off.  Look for it after the World Series, hopefully on something other than the MLB network.  NYT article here. 

Also...  Coming 11.26


Pretty Girl 09.23.10 - Alison Brie

Happy Community!

Missing the Train

Alas, it seems as if Jared Goedert has missed his opportunity.  Despite a breakout season between Akron and Columbus (27 HR, 37 2B, 83 RBI), Goedert slumped at exactly the wrong time through August.  Just when the brain-trust was all but rubber-stamping his September call-up, Goedert forgot how to hit (.205, 3 HR, 32 K thru Aug/Sep).  With Lonnie Chisenhall among a fresh crop of high level talent expected to arrive at the lake by July '11, Goedert will likely need a change of scenery to get his MLB opportunity.  It's a shame that the Indians couldn't just pull the trigger and recall Jared after the Peralta trade.  Too much double talk, too much idiocy.  It wears on me as a fan and I'm sure it didn't help Goedert's focus down the stretch.  Best of luck to him, he's a good kid.

Btw, the tricky, tricky Tribe has 60-day-DLed Carlos Santana and Hector Ambriz to make room on the 40-man for Pestano and Carlin.  Jess Todd and David Huff exhale with relief.

Cheers.

Complimentary Movie

Watch ALL 11 defenders miss!

1,000 Words

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Pretty Girl 09.22.10 - Julie Bowen

Happy Modern Family!

Tickets Punched

The Indians will recall RHP Vinnie Pestano and C Luke Carlin.  Pestano dominated @ AAA this season (1.55 ERA, 14 SV, 11.5 K/9, 4.21 K/BB, 1.06 WHIP) and has the make-up to be a back end of the bullpen guy.  Carlin's recall is a mystery to me, especially since the 40 man is full.  The Tribe already has 2 catchers who can't hit MLB pitching.  What's the use of adding a 3rd?  Update on who gets axed from the 40 man forthcoming.  My guesses?  Jess Todd for sure.  Maybes:  Chad Huffman, Wes Hodges, David Huff.

Oh yeah, they lost again.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Put More Coal on the Fire

Ahh, the gas man.  Thanks, Tony.  Ooops, gas men.  Introducing the new right-handed model: Justin Masterson.  Way to steal another win from Fausto, guys.  Less that 2 weeks left.

On the someone who's had it worse than the Tribe front, Oakland A's 1B prospect Chris Carter (#28 preseason in Baseball America) broke an 0-for-33 streak last night.  An 0-for-33 streak to start his career!  That's just about the only way to be pleased with an .029 average.  I'm told it is the 3rd longest stretch by a non-pitcher to begin a career in modern baseball history.  The Padres Joey Hamilton holds the all-time record, pitchers inclusive, at 0-for-his-1st-57.  Take solace, Chris. Take solace, Luis Valbuena.

Little Engine that Could

Your Columbus Clippers are now the undisputed AAA National Champions.  Jason Kipnis, who hit for the cycle in the deciding game against Durham, all but did it again tonight, failing only to single.  He did draw a walk.  Close enough.  Jared Head added 3 hits and 4 ribs.  In fact, every Clipper has at least 2 hits, save Wes Hodges (0-4).  David Huff pitched well enough and the bullpen (Putnam, Judy, Pestano) showed up.  A dominant 12-6 victory.  3 cheers!

Pretty Girl 09.21.10 - Giada de Laurentiis

The only reason that I watch the Food Network.

Jumping the Tracks

Reggie Bush broke his leg fumbling a punt last night.  Out 6 weeks.

Andy Reid is a big liar.  Michael Vick will start week 3.

Everyone's favorite butterfingers (#17) got pulled over for overtinted windows and blew a .16.  Nice DWI, Braylon.  I'm sure all of us here on the North Coast will be ready and willing character witnesses.

2nd year Broncos receiver and South Carolina all-time receptions leader, Kenny McKinley died of a seemingly self-inflicted gunshot wound on Sunday.  It's a tough world.  Thoughts and prayers to his friends and family.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Pretty Girl 09.20.10 - 2 For 1 - Blake Lively & Leighton Meester

Monday = Gossip Girl (on mute) = these two together = wicked awesome.

Late Arrivals

Barret Loux.  Remember him?  Drafted #6 overall by the D-Bags and then failed his physical.  Didn't sign.  Any of this ringin' a bell?  Anyway, MLB declared him a free agent as of September 1, allowing him to latch on with any team.  Loux auditioned for about 15 organizations this past week, most notably the Astros.  The word is that he'll focus on college classes through the fall and might sign in December.  Someone is going to grab a huge value talent.  Indians.  Hint, hint, nudge, nudge.

Believe it or not, the Royals are shopping Zack Greinke.  While the '09 Cy Young Award winner is under KC control until 2013, the brain trust :-j o'er Missoura way isn't confident that the team will contend by then (I wonder if the last 25 years was their 1st clue?).  With the mindset to maximize their return, the Royals are accepting offers starting now.  Guess what?  The Yankees are involved.  Christ.

As previously noted, the Columbus Clippers are your 2010 International League Champions.  There is, however, one game to go.  Tomorrow night (09.21) the Clips take on the Tacoma Rainiers in Oklahoma City for the AAA National Championship.  This game is so important that Mike Sarbaugh is taking no risks, David Huff gets the start. Tune in, 8p on Vs.

Several in the Detroit media believe that it would be in the Tigers best interest to pick up Jhonny Peralta's $7mil option for next season.  I can't say that I agree, but, who cares, it's Detroit.  A much better fit, some have suggested, would be with the rebuilding Orioles as a free-agent.  There I find some wisdom.  Jhonny flourishes out of the spotlight and under the ease of low expectations.  Sound like any team in orange that you know?

Congrats to Michael Vick for making it all the way back.  In his 1st start since 2006, the former overall #1 and convicted felon led the Iggles to victory over the Lions by throwing for 280 some yards and rushing for another 37 on 7 carries.  Vick looked confident, composed and in possession of the vast majority of the athleticism that made him such a media darling back in the day.  I'd root for him wholeheartedly (I believe everyone deserves a 2nd chance, I'm on #43) but Kevin Kolb is still on my !fantasy! team.

So the Browns are 0-2.  The Browns have started two different scrub QBs.  The Browns have held double digit leads in both of the games.  Jerome Harrison sucks.  Peyton Hillis can't hold onto the ball.  We let Matt Cassel beat us.  I feel lucky that I can't watch.

Thanks to a series of rain delays on Saturday night, the Indians/Royals game did not finish until well after midnight local time.  By the time that the 9th inning rolled around (and thank god they got this game in, it is all important) there were literally (and I do not use the word lightly) about 65 people in the stadium.  The shots over the mound at home plate revealed 0 (ZERO!) people sitting in the expensive seats.  Wow.  It was eerie, surreal, almost like the end of a 6 month nightmare.

Congrats to Shin-Soo Choo for popping #20 over the wall in the loss yesterday.  It looks a lot better on paper when your team leader in home runs has more than 16.

Cheers.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Pretty Girl 09.18.10 - Carly Pope

She's back!  I'm outlawing TV's right to take her away again.

Say It Ain't So, Joe

Torre's running screaming away from the torrent of hokum that will soon envelop the Dodgers organization.  Dandy Don will finally get his shot at the helm in 2011.

The Clippers downed Durham 13-2 tonight, clinching the Governor's Cup championship.  Wowee!  Jason Kipnis goes deep.  Look out Cleveland, some kids real familiar with winning are on the way.

Holy Choo, Batman!  3 dongs and 7 ribs for Shin-Soo!  Nice win #1 for Carlos Carrasco.

Indians claim OF Chad Huffman from the Bombers.  YAY!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Pretty Girl - The Town Release Edition - Blake Lively

Talk about making me wanna go to town.

Pretty Girl 09.17.10 - Aly Michalka

Gimme an A!  Gimme an L!  The hell with that, just gimme her number!

Rant 1 - JS is the New JC

If you don"t want to glimpse the bleakness of my psychosis, turn away now.

The statement is seemingly irrelevant as no one reads this anyway.  It seems a fitting microcosm of manifest affect.  What I type here will not change the world, will not lead others to reconsider or take pause.  These words fall on deaf ears, on blind eyes, just as the ghost steps I take around the littered streets are ignored.  Each action goes unobserved.

Big pity party, right?  Perhaps, it's all in the eye of the beholder, but the harvesting of sympathy is not my goal.  The fact is that nothing has inherent meaning; only those concepts to which we ascribe importance live to carry weight across the tundra.  For several years my belief was that this precept was part of the human condition, yet another burden to drag us down.  Recently, I've come to a new conclusion: the human race has bottomed out.  There are more of us than the planet can sustain and the population continues to expand.  Without regard for the future and despite the chic nature of the "green revolution," we continue to disrespect and pollute the world around us, the only home we have.

Here, across the greatest country on the globe, within the most immaculate democracy history has ever witnessed, we have grown callous and lazy.  There is no urgency today; we can do the same stupid shit until at least tomorrow.  We're bourgeois, we'll inevitably and consistently choose the path of least resistance.  The harsh truth is that we won't innovate until necessity births it screaming into our trembling hands.  We have the luxury to get fat on McDonald's or devote the majority of our resources to fantasy football or search out and purchase the exact gear they rock on Jersey Shore.  Why would we do these things?  Why would we debase ourselves with these trivialities?  Why?  Because we can, asshole.  Because we can.  We have no reason not to.  We have no calling.  We have no cause.  We have no unity amongst ourselves.  We'll wallow in our regurgitated slop until Rome burns and the lights go out.  And honestly, from the bottom of my soul, I cannot fault us.  Our actions are meaningless because no one has use for meaning in the 21st century.  Better to gorge on french fries and Vodka, to lust after Sammi, curse every 3rd word and shred our abs.  Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die.  It's the only way to fly.  And I'll be on the next bar stool with a slick handshake and a high five.

More on the decline of western civilization next rant.  Cheers.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Whistle Stops

Just 2 more things...

Kyle Drabek made his MLB debut tonight, taking the loss against the red hot Orioles.  He showed up (6IP, 9H, 3ER, 3BB, 5K), but the Jays suffered a rare power outage, putting up just Jose Bautista's 47th longshot in the 3-1 defeat.

You know it's a lost season when you're worried about whether Jawad Williams is going to re-sign or not.  Go Cavs!

Back to Reality

Jeanmar gives up 7 + offense gets 2 lousy hits = 7 run shutout loss.  That's a better snapshot of the season.  Don't worry Manny Acta is impressed with Travis Hafner and Drew Sutton's here to join the no-hit parade.

On a brighter note, the Clips got another sterling start from Zach McAllister (7IP, 5H, 6K) in a 4-0 win over Durham.  They need one of three in NC to bring home the Championship.

And I warned you.  Accompanying a story about Ray Lewis III (HS soph) putting up a monster game over the weekend is a middle school highlight reel.  Check it out here.  Or better yet... don't.

P.S.  Jake Delhomme is nowhere near 100% right now & did not practice today.  Thus, Seneca Wallace took all of the 1st team snaps and will likely see a large of amount playing time against the Chiefs.  Oh yeah, KC coach Todd Haley confirmed that his team will be "paying attention" to Jerome Harrison.  Cough... hack... 286... cough... ahem.  Shocker.

Pretty Girl 09.16.10 - Hayley Williams

She would really be my wish right now, wish right now, wish right now.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Pretty Girl 09.15.10 - Jillian Barberie

Seems like just yesterday that I got to share my NFL Sundays with her.  Whatta I got now Fox?  Huh?  Thanks a lot.  Jerks.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Look, Ma! A Real Major League Baseball Team!

The clean-up hitter (Shelley Duncan tonight) goes deep twice, accounting for all 4 runs + Josh Tomlin goes 6.2 for his 4th win + Chris Perez closes it out in the 9th + 0 errors = 4 to 3 victory.  Some nights (few and far between) it doesn't look so hard.

The Clippers take a 1-0 advantage in the GovCup Finals with a thorough 18-5 thrashing of the Durham Bulls.  Jason Kipnis has 2 singles, a walk and 3 runs scored in his AAA debut.  David Huff went 7 allowing just 1 unearned run for the win.  Every starter had at least 1 hit as Columbus piled up 20.  Peace out.

Knock, Knock...

That's opportunity.  The Cavs D-League affiliate Erie BayHawks (is there a bay in Erie, PA?) will hold open tryouts at the Q on October 9th & 10th.  It costs a hundred and 50 bucks, but if you think that you've got the chops, start calling now.

One reason that Mitch Talbot has battled injuries in the 2nd half?  He was limited to about 68 IP last season and has now thrown over 150 for the Indians.  As much as I dislike the thought, it might be time to let David Huff eat a few more innings.

People do hate LeFraud!  CNBC reports that his Q score (let's just think of it as an approval rating) has fallen 77% since the decision.  Beforehand had a 24%+ & 22%- rating (the middle neutral) while those numbers have tumbled to 14%+, 39%- today.  The Q rating group describes it as the the most catastrophic collapse of support for any player not having committed a notable anti-social act (i.e. raping a chick in Colorado) in the 45 years that the service has been in operation.

My seats at the Shoe were wonderful, as was the defense.  Nothing in a Buckeye uni looked slow, that's for sure.

Peace.

There's No DL in September...

but Jason Donald is not likely to play much more this season.  Thus the Tribe has recalled Drew Sutton to do the utility IF thing and top prospect Jason Kipnis has joined the Clippers for the Governor's Cup Championship series.  Color me stoked.  Dude.

Pretty Girl 09.14.10 - Megan Fox

She's better than a crack and Starbucks sandwich.  And you have no valid argument against it.

Actual thoughts coming soon.  Cheers.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Whistle Stops

Shaun Lauvao hurt his ankle, forcing the Brownies to re-sign some scrub OL named Billy Yates.  Yay, right side of the line!

The Clippers dropped game 2 of their playoff series to the SWB Yanks 5-4 in 10 innings.  After Columbus came back from a 4 zip deficit, Saul Rivera gave up the game winning single in the 10th.  The Clips drew 12 walks but could not overcome the hole dug by 3 errors.  The series moves to eastern Penn for the final 3 games over the next 3 days.

I still f'ing hate the NFL for disallowing me from watching tonight's game.  Oh, the might dollar.

Cheers.

Pretty Girl 09.09.10 - Hilarie Burton

Every time I find a new chick that pops my eyes, it seems like she was on One Tree Hill.  How odd...

OH - IO!

OSU Game Notes for the Miami game.

& Miami's lame-ass version.

Cheers.

Whistle Stops

Justin Masterson moved to the 'pen for the rest of the season.  The move was made in response to his IP, the word is that he will show up to Goodyear next spring competing for a spot in the rotation.

The Clippers beat SWB 6-4 tonight in the 1st game of their postseason.  It's a best of 5 series with game 2 tomorrow in Columbus and the final three in Scranton.  Luke Carlin smacked a 2-run walk-off in the 10th after Vinnie Pestano blew it in the top of the 9th.

Victor Martinez turned down a 2-year contract extension from the BoSox.  He's looking for a longer term deal.

The Indians, always hungry for a new way to lose, just fell to the Angels 4-3 in 16 innings.

Cheers.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Pretty Girl 09.08.10 - Adrianne Palicki

I remember her fondly from when Friday Night Lights was good.

First Class - Hugh Duffy

Sir Hugh holds the record for the highest single season batting average, .440.  Oddly, SABR didn't find his last hit of 1894 until well after he died.  That's why he's pointing out .438 to Ted Williams.  In '94 he won the triple crown w/ 18HR and 145RBI, also piling up 51 2B, 237H, 160R, 16 3B & 48SB.  One of the best ever, and a personal favorite, Duffy is a 1945 HOF inductee.  The tall dude in the portrait is Cy Young.  Cheers.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Pretty Girl 09.04.10 - Zulay Henao

I'm quite "Taken" with her. ;-j

3 Hits? 3 Lousy Hits?

And 2 of 'em were in the 9th.  The Indians, finding new ways to defile themselves, and what remains of Cleveland's good name, on a daily basis.

Saw the Clippers lose a sloppy, sloppy game against the Hens tonight.  Wed Hodges hit a bomb OVER the left field bleachers.  I hope the kid gets a shot after the playoffs, he's a gamer.  Also, I still have seen no live evidence of Jared Goedert's defensive shortcomings.  He's not a gold glover, but, by my eye, he's not a liability either.  Certainly nothing like Drew Stubbs in left field.  Ouch.

And I didn't have to wait for the spring.  The Rangers signed Mark Prior (above) today.

Cheers.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Mental Assassin

Anyone who did not just see Brian Wilson on Jim Rome is Burning needs to find it on youtube ASAP.

Long story short, he's a reliever because he didn't like picking up BP balls in low A and Inception is based on his life.

Sweet.

Pretty Girl 09.03.10 - Erin Andrews

Ok, you convinced me, she's hot.  But, like, oh my god, she, like, totally, shouldn't be an anchor.